18.

wow. I’m 18.

Interesting..

Wish list & Happy Lunar New Year!

Compiling a wish list… it’s almost my birthday! It’s just for fun, I don’t think anyone would buy me anything anyway and I’m super fine with that!

Digital Camera (preferably Sony… or something that’s cheap but has a high amount of mega pixels and zoom)
New pair of shoes… I want running shoes and also just plain ol’ sneakers.
A new wardrobe. My wardrobe is very.. out of date and… I wish I could have something nice to wear but I never really do. Everything’s too expensive these days!
I want to win at least one scholarship on my own. The association scholarship doesn’t count.
I kind of want an ear piercing.. industrial or cartilage….. but I am a bit too afraid that it won’t heal since I have sensitive ears.
I really want to visit China and Korea.
A nice prom dress and shoes.
A nice prom.. an unforgettable night!
A nice senior trip where people don’t complain. I just want to relax and relive the memories we’ve had for four years.

My top wish…
it’s to get into Brown, Stanford, or Yale. I would like to get into my UCs too, of course. But.. Brown, Stanford, and Yale are my top choices. Oh… dreams.

Happy Lunar New Year! May everyone have a healthy and prosperous year!

I’ll add more the list as time goes by.

Day 11: So far so good.

Haven’t slept in class today.

Figured out I got a horrible grade on my Stats final, though. Sigh.
And I’m disappointed in my B on the AP Lit final.
Studying a lot doesn’t really help. It’s studying smart… and I have yet to understand how to do that…

Sometimes I feel jealous of people when I don’t want to feel that way… it’s a sort of admiration yet I wonder “why can’t I be like that?”
I wonder why I can’t be a real intellectual. How would you define that? Well.. I know a lot of people who may not get the best grades yet they are really smart… they do well in discussions and just have really interesting opinions and ideas.
As for me, I work hard to get good grades, but I wish I was more unique. Kind of dumb, I know. I think I am different but… it’s not as special. And I worry a lot because being unique is really valued. But I am what I am. I can’t be someone I’m not.

Oh the pessimism.

Anyway. I’ll talk about my experience at the Blood Center some other time. I got a cute water bottle and a free t-shirt.

and talking with Pratik is always nice! Sadly, he’ll be going back to India next year we’re supposed to be going to college together, too!!! It’s an inside joke. ahha.

Tasha (T) – Please Don’t Go. You all should check out “Black Happiness” as well. Read the translations for that song! She usually raps, though.

Day 10: Wasn’t even sleepy!

Easy day today.

I slept pretty early last night.. 11 ish. It’s been a while. I’m realllyyyy trying to sleep earlier this semester. I think it’s possible, but no one believes me ):
Anyway, I was not tired today at all. There were a few times class was boring but nope, I did not fall asleep. I’m sleeping early today. I don’t have as much hw as I usually do. Maybe I’ll start on some scholarships. I guess after I’ve missed like two scholarships, I’m going to step up and stop procrastinating. I need to be more organized. Must take control!

Diana, you’re HELLA loud LOL

Anyway, I went volunteering at Project Open Hand yesterday. I passed by the park near City Hall and WHOA!! Crazy amount of people there watching the inauguration! Woo! OBAMA! Anyway, I watched his address while at Project Open Hand. It was about twenty minutes long! He’s very inspirational. But I’m actually wondering how he’ll do it. I mean, he has a LOT on his shoulders. And I know it won’t be easy. I just hope that people do not expect the economy to grow so quickly and that the unemployment rate will go down. He sounds truthful and determined… as much as he sounds believable (and I want to believe it), I still have my doubts. I’ve heard other people’s opinions and I understand what they’re saying. I just hope that the rest of America is really ready to hit the worst before we hit what we hope for. 2009 will be a tough year, huh? Hm… wow I’ll be in college soon and I think the worst will be around mid 2009, possibly.. well, it could be a while until we actually grow again.

The potatoes at Project Open Hand are disgusting ): I had to sort out the good and the bad.. for about two hours. Tiring indeed. And smelly. I accidentally smooshed the rotten ones a few times (they were so soft) and that was… weird. The apples were no better.. there were ALL BROWN (and soft) apples! Not all of them, but.. yeah, a few of them. Sigh. I wouldn’t eat any of the potatoes or apples even if they were good. I’d be afraid that there’s still something wrong with them. Yet those are given out people, still… I wonder if it’s still ok to? If they say so, I suppose..

lala.
What song should I show you guys now? Hm

You all can listen to Lyn – Love… It’s All Lies”

Great r&b singer. Really underrated (in my opinion)

Just So Much To Say

So I haven’t been blogging for a few days.

I’m so sore from Saturday. If I had went last last week, I probably would’ve experienced the worst of it. But if I experienced that the first time, then maybe last Saturday’s training wouldn’t have made me so sore now..
I can barely walk up and down stairs T-T.

So anyway, I guess I’ll go backwards..

I was really upset with myself because I missed the deadline for this scholarship yesterday, thinking that it was 11:59 PST and not EST. I was wrong. Now I’m disappointed, just worse compared to how disappointed I was on Friday. Sigh. It’s hard not to be when you think about how much college will cost (mind you I really hope to attend a private, which is about $50,000 annually) and how much financial aid you’ll get (might not be much). Then you think about how much that scholarship will give you…. it’s always money that brings you down, huh? It’s interesting actually, because you feel down about money because you can’t buy something, say, those coooool new shoes you saw in the store the other day. But that’s a symptom of affluenza! Which is bad. But I’m sad about this scholarship money that could go towards paying for college. Is this a symptom of affluenza? I dunno, money just makes me sad. Sad that education has to cost so much. It’s a little ironic. I can’t explain the irony right now because it’s really complex. So complex it might not even be irony. It’s just very complicated.

Anyway, over with the disappointment.. because I have to let go. LET GO.
I wasted my hours writing 2-3 essays, then. Well, maybe it’s not a waste since I could use those for other scholarships as well.

It never ends. You would think “YAY! I’m done with college apps!! FREEDOM!!” But no, you’ll never really be free. There’s FAFSA, CSS profile (thank goodness I finished this..), scholarships, grants…. so much to sign up for, so many deadlines to follow up on. I know, it should be a good thing that these are offered to students like me. I am grateful. It’s just overwhelming. I’m starting to hate talking about all my positive qualities, my experiences, accomplishments, family, all that crap. It’s getting a little tiring, really…

So this guy has been pissing me off. He’s done it before, but it’s like.. I’m too nice to hate him forever. Ha. I really don’t like it when people are so freaking desperate. I don’t know, maybe I don’t understand? I mean, desperate to have a boyfriend/girlfriend. Let life be. It’ll come when it does. You can’t force it. And I hate it when people try to make me feel guilty when you can’t blame me for anything. Just because it’s what I think and feel, don’t give me that sad face to try and make me feel like I’m the wrong one. PUH-LEEZ. Stop it. I’m tired of it. Stop fooling with me because my feelings won’t change. You’ve already messed with me earlier and I said to stop it. I can’t even tell when you’re messing or when you’re not. I’ve told you to stop it but I don’t even think you’re serious.

I’m a lot nicer off of this blog. On the blog, I type out all of my feelings. I just don’t reveal names. So if you’re reading this.. well, what can I say? And whoever’s reading this and might be thinking it’s you, well, it might not even be you so don’t assume it. I don’t hate anyone so if you think I hate you, I don’t. I just don’t like people

1/18/09
On Sunday, I had my interview with an alumnus from Brown. Okay, yeah, he was cute. But NOOO, don’t think that affected me in any way. Really though. But he was nice. I entered Coffee Bean and I searched the room with my eyes from left to right, then I found him with his mac. He wore a nice plaid shirt (hehe, I have a thing for guys in plaid, depending on who it is, of course..). I don’t really remember his face (haha, funny, right? Since I said he was cute) but I said that he was cute not just because of his looks . He majored in Economics and Creative Writing, which is really cool. Anyway, so I started off by talking about my background.. where I’m from, my family, school, etc. I felt that I was a little boring when I talked about myself ): I hope it wasn’t too boring. But he asked about like… what I want to major in and possibly future career. I asked him some questions about Brown and stuff. I felt like I really could’ve said a lot more for some things, but well, can’t go back. Letting it go. Let go. And I wish my answer to his question about the most adventurous/craziest thing I’ve done wasn’t so lame. It was lame. Lol. Made me sound boring ):. But even with the flaws in my responses, I THINK it went okay/good. I hope so, at least. I don’t think my handshake was all that good though (or maybe it was his handshake?)… um yea. So I didn’t end up getting anything to drink there. Ooh, though, he didn’t get a coffee, but tea! Maybe he doesn’t like coffee like me :O hehe. Anyway…
I made him a thank you card on photoshop yesterday. I hope he didn’t think it was like I was sucking up to him or something. I just like to make thank you cards.. I made one for my Yale interviewer as well.

Oh, well this is supposed to go before the interview because I’m writing backwards.. but whatever. So I met up with Susana and Louise afterward cuz they wanted to go prom dress shopping. Not that many nice dresses at the outlet. Bleh, it’s gonna be a pain finding a nice dress… and all the other crap. Colors I would like to wear for sure are purple (royal), teal (a darkish tone), or green (emerald?). We went to eat afterward in Chinatown. Was gonna eat pho but ended up getting Subway. Uhhh the server was weird and I thought he was racist or something. He was like, “did you guys just come to the US?” ……. um, I thought it seemed pretty clear that we spoke English w/o an accent. His question was uncalled for, even though we just kinda laughed… I don’t know if he was being serious, but if he wasn’t.. well, he’s an ASSHOLE! Sorry for my language. Got tutti melon.. I didn’t know there was on in CT! Bleh, didn’t taste as good as the one on Irving though. Spent a lot of money that day… I bought a jamba after the interview, too..

1/17/09
Dragon boat practice. I was late… erm ):. I’m lucky though, Ray wasn’t there so Brian didn’t say anything about late people doing extra push ups. Cuz for sure, I was the latest girl. Anyway, I arrived and they were doing lunges. Oh geez there were so many! Then we had to sprint! Aiya. That hurt. I could barely run after doing the lunges… it was weird feeling. And now, I am sore like heck. I was more sore today than yesterday! Anyway, then headed off to the boats… passed by Bal’s team.. oh geez lol, Frank made me wave and I was like “heh.. Hiiii” and then.. they didn’t really recognize me at first but then when they did… “TRAITOR!!” “It’s BAL, not GAL!” and such. Haha. Then everyone on the boat stared at me. Lol. O well.
Practice was tiring. I hate 10 min pieces. And I hate how my left arm always gets very wet and then Michael laughs at me. >:O I think it has something to do when I catch. Because I drop the paddle into the water hard and quick and then the water splashes onto my sleeve. >.> Anyway. Sometimes I wish I could actually talk to other people on the team. It seems really hard to… everyone kind of has their own group already and I only really talk to Betty or Frank. Well, Samantha’s really nice to me but I don’t really talk to her a lot. It’s not that the people aren’t nice, because most of them are… but, I don’t know, no one really wants to talk to me? Haha or maybe I seem to quiet. Hard to break out of the shell, I guess. Bal and Gal people seem very different.
Ate with Betty and Frank at Stonestown afterward. Fries as usual! Yum. Then a pretzel . Thanks to Betty and Frank because they paid for all the food.. now I’m feeling guilty ):. I’ll pay for other times! Oo, both of their bdays are coming up . Hmm..

Well I don’t have a lot more to say. Haha.. Wow that was long, right?
Here’s a song for you guys:

Kim Kyung Rok (of V.O.S) – We Are Now Strangers

Such a sad melody with sad lyrics..
I really like this song right now. ~

Pieces of You

Epik High – Pieces of You

WOO~!

FINALS ARE OVER.
SEMESTER IS OVER.

I will let go and not regret the things I could’ve done better last semester (especially my paper for Benedicto). I WILL START ANEW!

I’ll be more organized, stop sleeping in class..

DO HW ON TIME. NO MORE PROCRASTINATING.

Well, hope this holds true.

Had a good time at Tony’s house after school! Early dismissal But I had the de Young so I hung out at his house for about two hours? or so. Finished watching Transformers (a bit of a cheesier movie than I thought) and watched a bit of Pirates of the Caribbean 3 but I didn’t finish since I had to leave. Then I came back after working at the de Young til 6. I SOO wanted to sleep on his couch! His massaging chair makes me so ticklish! I LOVE HIS HOUSEEE ehe. And it’s far from home
I love his bathroom.
I like his sink!
His family is relatively quiet compared to my noisy, noisy family D:
We (Tony, Andrew, Michael, and I) were the only ones out in the living room. FUN~ Watched Ocean’s 11 and I LOVED IT! ahah. The suspense was great. I want to watch Ocean’s 12 and Ocean’s 13 now heheee

FRIDAY MOVIE NIGHTS AT TONY’S FROM NOW ON! Maybe

FOUR DAY WEEKEND.
I am happy.

Well, nervous for Sunday, though. Brown interview!

Day 9: UGH!

Worst day of the week so far.

So much to do.

Study for 1º + 2º finals (hardest!!)
Finish Context as Content essay (oh gosh.. I didn’t write as good as I wanted to. Thinking back, I could’ve done a lot better and talked more about some things.. and connected it to politics and economics.. I’m disappointed in myself)
Education First Scholarship (I didn’t end up doing this one because of no time.. and this is one of the easiest ones to do, too……)

I talked with Alvin at his house for wayyy too long.

Day 8: Finals

Well, I won’t really count this as a day because I didn’t have any real classes to actually fall asleep in.

I should really study for Lit atm.
AHHH I’m worried about Friday. ):

I really need to print out my senior portraits.
And buy my cap & gown (as well as my tassel). EXPENSIVE GRR

I’m totally going to relax this weekend because I need it. Then I’ll really start over (be more organized lalaa) with school so I won’t be all over the place when the new semester begins.

Epik High – Come to Find Out

AWESOME.

Day 7: Suc-ail?

Uh. Well, I got sleepy in Wilcox’s. I tried hard not to. I slept earlier yet I still fell asleep. I don’t know what’s my problem. Bleh. Whatever.

Studying for Physics tomorrow!
Then I’ll study some lit because I’ve been studying for stats WAY TO MUCH. Well, maybe I’m just making up for all the time I haven’t really read the book thoroughly enough.

That’s when time comes back to bite you in the ass.

Anyway, poor Diem is sick. I haven’t seen her much. Aiya, I still have to finish fixing the design. Life sure is laborious.

I’m worried most about my AP Stats, AP Lit, and sort of Amer Demo finals. Those will def be the hardest… Friday will be the worst. Tons of writing for sure. Tomorrow, easiest. Thurs… sort of eh. Benedicto’s gonna have us write like 3 or 4 essays! I’m sure Wilcox will have us write 1 or 2 essays. Then there are like 3 for Larson’s final. Wow, why am I still sitting here and typing up this post?

I need to finish my paper for Benedicto as well…

and I still have the museum on Friday ):
but YES!! I’M GOING TO TONY’S AFTER FINALS ARE OVERR! and the museum is close to his house so yay. I want to watch more movies!

Well, I sound quite happy…
but not really with all this stuff to do ):

And my jaw terribly hurts.. sigh. I don’t knwo what to do. Dentist isn’t much a help (and the fact that I don’t have dental insurance makes it suck even more). Sigh… I’m afraid the pain won’t go away. I’m almost sure it can’t be cause by my wisdom teeth coming up because it’s only hurting on my left side. ):

Alex’s version of Flower Pot

Beautiful